Correct Children’s Behavior, Not Emotions
Children can be dramatic, too much at times. Their emotions seem irrational and disproportionate to the situation they are experiencing. This does not mean that their emotions are not good but that the behavior needs to be corrected.
Children are entitled to their emotions, even when they overdo it. Telling them their emotions aren’t right can affect their entire emotional development.
With this article we explain how to correct the behavior of your children without affecting their emotions.
How to correct children’s behavior without hurting them
Avoid minimizing or denying your child’s emotions
Children who believe they shouldn’t be sad make a great effort to avoid being sad, but that’s not good for them. Pain is a growth process.
Likewise, if children think that being sad or angry is not okay, they can only pretend to smile and refuse to talk about what they are feeling. It is important to know that anger is not a bad emotion and children need to know that too.
How children cope with their anger can lead to healthy decisions or not. Your goal should never be to change your children’s emotions but to correct the behavior they cause. Avoid saying things like:
- stop being so dramatic
- stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to
- you’re losing your mind for nothing
- stop being a baby
- you don’t have to worry about something so silly.
Distinguish emotion from behavior
It is important to separate what the child does from how he feels. Anger is a feeling and hitting is a behavior. Sadness is a feeling while shouting is a behavior.
Instead of convincing the child not to feel certain things, teach him to deal with these uncomfortable emotions. Show that it is normal to feel angry but anger is not good for you.
Sometimes parents think that raising a mentally strong child is about raising him without emotion, but that’s not the case. It’s just about correcting the behavior.
Teach your children to manage anxiety
If the child receives the message that being anxious is bad, he will do everything to avoid things and situations that cause him anxiety. Show your children that uncomfortable emotions are a part of life. Sometimes you have to behave differently from how you feel.
For example, explain to him that you need to be kind to others, even when you are in a bad mood. Show him that on days of sadness, work is still necessary. Make him understand that sometimes you have to do things even against your will.
Teach them to control their emotions
Many behavioral problems arise from a child’s failure to understand the emotions he is experiencing. When you have taught your children that emotions are okay and that there are socially appropriate ways to deal with them, you will most likely begin to see a great deal of improvement. Thus wrong behavior is corrected.
Encourage him to name his emotions. Teach your child to name their feelings so they can learn to understand them. Give them the tools to deal with emotions in a healthy and positive way.
Show the children that they can be in control of their feelings
If your child is in a bad mood, tell him about the choices he can make to stay in this mood. But also help him see the choices that can improve this moment.
Educate your child about appropriate behavior. If the child in a moment of anger breaks the little brother’s game, punish him. But let it be clear to him that he is being punished for the behavior he had, for breaking the rules and not for the feeling he felt.
Do not allow the child to use emotions as an excuse. If he says he can’t do his homework because he’s sad, don’t let him take advantage of it. With rare exceptions, make sure he is accountable for his behavior. These rare exceptions can occur with the death of a family member or other emergency.
