The First 40 Days Are For Nesting And Getting To Know Each Other

The first 40 days after giving birth are a threesome. It is the time to nest, to be in magical intimacy, to love gently, to welcome and to love each other skin to skin. The world pauses, everything stops and at the same time everything begins. It is magical moments like these when we finally welcome our children after carrying them in our womb for 9 months.

One of the most interesting books on the puerperium is  “Safe Post-Birth”, by Beatrijs Smulders.  This author, a midwife by profession, immerses us completely in those common tasks, scenarios and situations that a mother and father can experience during the first 40 days and beyond.

As already mentioned, the puerperium can last up to a year. This book takes us realistically into all those experiences that form a real kaleidoscope of fears, emotions, physical fatigue, challenges, problems, but also happiness.

Many mothers are almost forced to emerge quickly from the purely physical and emotional universe of childbirth.  They must return to immerse themselves in the reality of work, money, schedules and daily routines. Meanwhile, the intimate and whispering life of the child is there.

How to fit everything together? How to tune in to every need, every obligation? The first 40 days after giving birth, believe it or not,  are  a complex and exciting journey,  and they count for a lot. They are welcome, they are the adaptation and discovery of ourselves as mothers and our partners as fathers.

The first 40 days after childbirth: a moment of intimacy

The first 40 days after giving birth are yours.  It is the territory of mum and dad. The two of you together and the baby form a single core, magical and full of intense emotions that belong only to the three of you. Nothing happens if you don’t receive visitors for a few days, if you leave your mobile phones and your work commitments aside. There is a more important person, who asks for our attention, caresses, food, love.

It’s time to “nest”

Nesting means making a nest to live in. There is nothing wrong with using the term of the animal world, because basically the behaviors and the purposes are the same. Raising children, giving them protection, warmth, love and, of course, food.

• Mum and dad nest together with the baby to welcome him after giving birth.
• We nest because we need to be next to each other.

• We nest because in this way we transform ourselves into reference figures for the child.
• We nest to be calm, to give each other comfort, to discover ourselves in our new roles, in our new needs and obligations.
• We nest together to take care of each other:  because it is not only the child who needs us, the mother also needs the father, because she is tired, she is in pain, because we all need affection, care and attentions.
• We nest to breastfeed, to be close to the baby skin to skin, heart to heart.

The best weapon in these early days: your sixth sense

In these first 40 days, many challenges have to be faced.  Adaptation, breastfeeding, night fatigue, the umbilical cord, the pacifier, the cradle, colic and above all crying.

• Knowing how to interpret the baby’s cry is undoubtedly the first obligation that every mother sets herself. Are you crying from hunger? Does something hurt him? Will it be the diaper? It is normal to obsess over the first few days. Little by little the fears subside and rationalize to make room for the so-called sixth sense.
• At some point in these 40 days, calm arrives and we understand that what the child needs most is our closeness. We realize that holding him in your arms calms him, that giving him the breast relaxes him and that it is not just for feeding him.

Our maternal instinct is an authentic super power that amazes us and puts us in total harmony with the baby. Of course, the 40 days after giving birth will be difficult at times. But seen in perspective they will prove to be one of the most important stages of our life.

What we need first of all is to create a nucleus of intimacy and, simply, a nest for the family. The world, with its haste, its pressures, work, friends and all other people can wait. Because this period belongs to you.