Your Children Do Not Have The Task Of Filling The Void
Filling the void is one of the reasons why you are the demanding, overprotective, or selfish mother you definitely don’t want to be. It is the reason that makes you imagine that your children’s life is yours and appropriate, in some way, their abilities and attitudes to feel alive. Their results thrill you, more than as the mother of small winners, as a woman who achieves them thanks to her.
But your children don’t have the job of filling the void. From now on you must be convinced of this and remedy the education, not entirely healthy, that you are giving them.
Why do you use your children to fill the void?
If you use your children to feel fulfilled, it is because as a child it is possible that they did not give you the opportunity to do so and take the path you really wanted.
It is possible that your parents were worse than you are now and that you had to fulfill your duties for them. Study what they wanted, marry who they think was best, dress, think, eat, breathe, live… according to their dogmas and desires.
In your childhood and youth you were deprived of the young woman and girl you wanted to be. You have grown up and have a child, as your parents said, and today, who are no longer close to you, you think it is okay to do the same with your children.
Or, maybe the opposite has happened. As a child, you had everything you wanted and your parents gave you the freedom to act alone.
You were privileged, and according to the people around you, you had the world at your feet. Your attitudes and your intelligence confirmed this.
Then you either had the misfortune of hurting your ankle in the middle of Act III of the Swan Lake ballet, or you didn’t give the correct answer in that college interview and you weren’t accepted. Or you missed the start from the blocks and you were a hair’s breadth away from winning the Olympic gold medal.
In short, you had the opportunity, but due to the vicissitudes of fate you could not realize your dream.
One way or another, you now want to realize yourself through the little seeds you brought into the world without realizing, or unwilling to see, that they need to lay their roots, twist their trunk based on the sunlight. that lights them up and grow as they want and can.
The consequence of the mistakes you make
The mistake you make in educating your children makes them weak, characterless, defenseless with respect to your intentions.
It makes them extremely competitive and dissatisfied. Although these two qualities are part of the human being of our time, it is also true that too much causes unhappiness.
You, like them, constantly refer to the gifts of your children: how good they are in this or that other subject, in sport, in discipline, in art …
You talk so much about your children’s talents that you negate, or minimize, the remaining qualities they have, especially those that belong to the emotional sphere. How good and kind they are, how they make themselves loved for the affection they show. Their selflessness and gratitude are less important to you.
As if they were puppets, you use their strings so that they continue to perform, surpassing themselves and trying harder every day. Manipulation reaches a point where your children believe they are the ones who are assigned and want to achieve the goals you give them.
Ask them more than they can give you. This causes more than a few wounds, extreme fatigue, rejection of the sphere in which they stand out, depression and lies when they fail to reach the level you demand.
The emotional bond that unites you is fundamentally based on the pride you feel for their attitudes. Everything else takes a back seat.
The topics of conversation, more often than not, revolve around these themes and the emotional rewards, such as kisses, hugs, caresses, are greater when your dreams come true.
But your children don’t have the job of filling the void. We repeat it so that you are aware of it. The mistake you make in their upbringing will affect their happiness, autonomy, self-esteem and emotional security. Too high a price they shouldn’t pay. Keep this in mind.
